I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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