You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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