Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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