Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
