Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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