you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
