erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
