You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
