New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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