Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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