I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
