roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
