Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
