Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
