brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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