the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Enjoy the penises
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
