so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
