He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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