I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
