Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize