I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize