Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish I only lived at night.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
