hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
