She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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