Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
