hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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