your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
