Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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