I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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