I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
