That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
