I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
