I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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