That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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