Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
