His pubic hair was longer than his dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
