Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
