I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize