I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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