Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
