I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
