If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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