Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
