we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
