I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
