How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
