Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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