There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
