Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
