He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
