She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
