I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
