I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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