We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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