Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
