I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
