wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So much rum. So many feels.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize