my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
