i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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