I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
