Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
