i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
