You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
