Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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