Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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