FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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