Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
