i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
