you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
