I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
