he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
