A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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